Um, WHAT? There is no horror movie opening this weekend. WHO WILL FILL THE SAW VOID??? I know we got “Paranormal Activity 3” last weekend, but it is decidedly abnormal for no big budget horror to be opening on October goddamn 28th. Are we on the decline of a cycle? Is everyone getting their yayas out at those horrible haunted house places? Think piece coming soon! In the meantime, check out our foreign horror feature for all your cinematic creepy crawlies. And, if you’re not in the Halloween spirit, here are some other films for you to enjoy: the long awaited “The Rum Diary”! “Puss in Boots,” for the children. And time as money movie “In Time” with lots of pretty humans.
Johnny Depp does Hunter S. Thompson again (sort of) in “The Rum Diary,” adapted from a Thompson work about a young journalist living and working in Puerto Rico. Our review says, “after all the cabana confrontations, encounters with witch doctors and experimentation with both drink and drugs, ‘The Rum Diary’ starts to lose its buzz,” and “charming though the majority of the film may be, for a story about a man finding his voice, this one eventually loses its nerve.” With Aaron Eckhart, Amber Heard, Giovanni Ribisi, Michael Rispoli and Richard Jenkins. Rotten Tomatoes: 51% Metacritic: 57
Andrew Niccol’s latest configures time as currency with “In Time,” where no one ages beyond 25 and class warfare has erupted. Starring Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Wilde, Vincent Karthheiser, Cillian Murphy, Alex Pettyfer and Matt Bomer as the privileged and unprivileged time holders. Our review says the thriller is “absurd, illogical and, most disappointingly of all, uninspired,” with “bungled sci-fi elements, limp action sequences and a poorly executed premise.” Bu there are are pretty people! RT: 37% MC: 55
The “Shrek” franchise keeps limping along with the Antonio Banderas led “Puss in Boots.” So you know the drill: fairytales, animations, childrens, swashbuckling kitties. Dear reader, you know this isn’t my wheelhouse. Our reviewer says it’s “a great, and great-looking, little adventure, which requires no prior knowledge of the title character from previous films, and conjures such an intriguing world that neither the filmmakers will ever have to go back to ‘Shrek’ to find more material, nor will the audience have to revisit them to understand it.” With the voices of Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis, Billy Bob Thornton, and Amy Sedaris. RT: 79% MC: 65
Roland Emmerich’s “Anonymous” questions the authorship of Shakespeare’s work with a host of those actors that are always in period films, chewing up the scenery in a soapy fashion. And somehow two Queen Elizabeths are involved. Our review says, “it fails on its own merits as a messy biopic and even messier historical epic whose authenticity becomes irrelevant when its execution is incompetent.” Burn! With Rhys Ifans, David Thewlis, Joely Richardson, Vanessa Redgrave and more! RT: 42% MC: 52
Sad teen is saaaaad in “Like Crazy.” 🙁 Nah, I’m just playin’, but seriously, this movie looks like a heartbreaking portrayal of lost first love. Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones play the lovers and our review from Sundance says, “its heart does not come at the expense of intelligence, and its swiftness and grace are never shallow or glib. ‘Like Crazy’ does nothing new, but what it does, it does extraordinarily enough to stand out.” Directed by Drake Doremus. RT: 71% MC: 70
“13” is the remake of French thriller “13 Tzameti” by Gela Babluani. The filmmaker remakes his own work for Hollywood this time around, with all the pitfalls that may contain, including a star-studded cast with Sam Riley, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Alexander Skarsgård, Michael Shannon, and Ray Winstone. It has something to do with a Russian Roulette contest. Our review says the filmmaker “attempts to cater to that audience but he only eliminates the suspense. It’s unfair to compare ‘13’ to ‘Tzameti,’ but it’s pretty easy to see where things go wrong, not in failing to honor the original vision, but in creating a turgid picture free of suspense.” RT: 10%
Abigail Breslin and Alessandro Nivola star in “The Liv and Stephen Tyler Story” no oops, I mean, the title of it is “Janie Jones,” but it’s basically the Liv and Stephen Tyler story about a young girl finding her rock, not really “star” dad, but you get the idea. Our review says that despite the boring, audience catering storytelling, it “feels intimate and real,” and Breslin “has grown into an actress of significant nuance.” With Elisabeth Shue, Brittany Snow and Peter Stormare. RT: 47% MC: 53
Um, OHMYGOD I need to see this RIGHT NOW. “RA. One” is the most expensive Indian film made to date, and it stars Bollywood behemoth Sharukh Kahn in a heavily CGI’d superhero tale. And there are dance numbers. Done and done! Our review says it “impresses visually no less than a feature wielding twice the budget, but the habits of many Bollywood films (the length primarily, and the caricature acting) mixed with decidedly American action (explosions, slow-mo and speed-ramping rule the day) don’t make for a very compelling film.” Don’t care. Superheroes, Kahn, dance numbers, me = so sold. RT: 88%
Sigur Ros concert film “Inni” showcases the band in action at London’s Alexandra Palace. Incorporating vintage footage into the concert, it never quite succeeds at fully capturing the Sigur Ros experience, but our review says, “while it’s pleasant enough in the moment, it’s hardly memorable,” and “is for the diehard faithful only.” 
Okay, I lied. There is a “horror movie” opening this weekend but it doesn’t count. The king of mumblecore, Joe Swanberg, brings us his meta-exercise in mumblecore horror, “Silver Bullets.” Our review says the film “trades on commonplace emotions (jealousy, frustration), but never engages you in any real way, both aesthetically, since it’s hard to be gripped by a movie where you can barely make out what’s going on since the whole thing looks like it was shot at the bottom of the ocean, and intellectually, since the filmmaker seems more interested at sizing up his own oeuvre than playing with the audience.” Boo! RT: 83% MC: 59
The new doc from design nerd (we say that in the best way possible) Gary Hustwit, “Urbanized,” rounds out his trilogy, the first two installments being “Helvetica,” and “Objectified.” The new film departs from the font and industrial design realm and tackles the bigger subject of urban design and planning. Our review says it’s “mostly very likable and quite enlightening,” and “the filmmaker injects just the right amount of verve and life into the proceedings to prevent it from feeling like classroom busy work.” RT: 100% 
Also in theaters:
Christina Ricci and Matthew Lillard in “All’s Faire in Love” a comedy about Renaissance Faire performers. Yup. RT: 9%
Richard Gere, Topher Grace and Martin Shee in some kind of CIA, political assassination thriller “The Double.” It’s not very good. RT: 5%
