Ok, kids. Be quiet and bring the Advil, because Mommy has a hangover and and we know In Theaters is late today. Shh. Turn out the lights. This week’s crop of releases includes the franchise reboot “Scream 4” or “Scre4m” or whatever they are trying to call it. Little animated blue birds fly into theaters in the form of “Rio,” and Robert Redford‘s Civil War drama “The Conspirator” opens in limited release.
Ghostface is back! And so are Neve, Courteney and David. And Kevin. And Wes. And a bunch of kids trying to beat a few more coins out of that already empty “Scream” bag with “Scream 4.” Our review says the reboot misses the target and that “the film feels overlong and yet it rushes through or botches all the variables that matter.” RT: 60% MC: 51
Jesse Eisenberg and Anna Hathaway lend their voices to “Rio,” about a little blue parrot who has to learn how to fly. And falls in love with a girl parrot. And other Brazilian adventures! Our review says, the film is pretty short on substance, but long on style, and that “the pageantry is more akin to these bird’s feathers – a sophisticated defense mechanism used to distract, rather than engage.” RT: 72% 
MC: 65
In Limited Release:
Robert Redford‘s “The Conspirator” about the trial of the only woman accused in planning Abraham Lincoln‘s assassination stars a dowdied-up Robin Wright, James McAvoy, Tom Wilkinson, Kevin Kline and more. Our review from TIFF says the film “is handsomely put together and for those who don’t mind watching a film that seems like a relic from some distant past of costume dramas rife with leaden dialogue and Important Scenes, we suppose you could do far worse.” RT: 55% MC: 55
“Atlas Shrugged Part 1” was actually made and finished? Wow. That project sounded like a disaster on wheels. It’s now hitting screens so take your favorite Ayn Rand-loving Republican friend (you have one of those, right) on a date. Our review says the film is “an aimless, amateurish and, more to the point, stone cold boring piece of drivel.” Ok, then. RT: 6% MC: 25
Wooing a sexy liberal instead? There is no greater aphrodisiac than a war documentary. Sorry, is that in poor taste? When have I ever cared about being tasteful anyway? And it’s guaranteed a war doc will get you laid with a liberal. Trust. Cannes winner “Armadillo” follows a group of Danish soldiers in Afghanistan. Our review says the film “calls attention to rougher topics within its portrait of hell. It’s a much harder pill to swallow, and consequently, it’s much more deserving of discussion.” RT: 88% MC: 73
I think I got confused and said “The Princess of Montpensier” was opening last week. I swear it was on the Rotten Tomatoes opening list! Anyway, now we have a review up, which says the French bodice-ripper doesn’t rip enough damn bodices (I would ask for a refund if there wasn’t enough bodice ripping, side note, here is my favorite bodice ripping scene in all of cinema). The review also says the film, while trying, “fails in finding anything new or worth telling RT: 84 % MC: 76
“Little White Lies” opens in the U.K. and Canada this weekend, but has no U.S. distribution yet. Hop over the border for this Gallic dramedy from Guillaume Canet, starring Marion Cotillard and a host of other French stars. Our review says, “It’s no surprise the film became a box office sensation in its native France; the characters are a delight to know and the whole movie goes down easy like a cold glass of Chardonnay on a warm summer evening.” Ah. RT: 53%
Also in theaters:
Italian speed dating thriller (awesome) “Double Hour” RT: 86% MC: 70; Cannes winning African film “A Screaming Man” RT: 88% MC: 73; creature horror “The Tenant“; dreamy drama “Footprints” RT: 11%; Sundance fave “The Imperialists Are Still Alive!” RT: 80% MC: 57; Italian dramedy “The First Beautiful Thing” RT: 86% MC: 62; weed doc “Square Grouper: The Godfathers of Ganja” RT: 50% MC: 49; autism drama “Fly Away” RT: 88% MC: 66
