At the weekend, two or three old friends drank milk tea and chatted. At the age of three, three words could not be separated from work and planning. They complained more than ideal and were confused day after day. My friend sipped green tea and thoughtfully reminded me: “Now you should seize the biggest capital – young and beautiful, and find a man with good conditions.”With a sly smile, he continued: “And the capital is almost gone. I have seen many women who broke up at the age of 30, and they don’t even have the right to choose.”

I felt helpless for a while, as if all the possibilities of life were divided into two categories: the right avenue and the end of the road.

However, I am not smart and beautiful enough, and I have no ability to grasp the key points. Not to mention Deng Wendi, who played good cards step by step. By the way, I can’t even play cards.

I still want to choose the road in front of me. But will I succeed? Will it be hard? Will you regret it?

I have to prepare for the worst: even if I live a life like a pine, it doesn’t matter?

01 If you choose the wrong answer for each choice

Matsuko is the protagonist in the novel “The Life of the Abandoned Matsuko” by Yamada Zongshu. Matsuko’s family is in good condition, and his father works in the city hall. She is a beautiful teacher loved by students. However, he gradually degenerated into a sex worker, and was driven away by his family, abandoned by his lover, and finally died alone.

When she was young, Matsuko also thought she would have a bright future, but at the crossroads of life, she always avoided all the right options perfectly and walked towards the lonely wooden bridge.

The turning point of Matsuko’s life appeared in the study trip organized by the school. Her student Long Yangyi stole the money from the store. In order to make a big deal smaller, Matsuko took the charge of theft in his own hurry.

This matter was clearly unrelated to her, and she was fired by the school. Matsuko could not accept the collapse of the ideal daughter image in his father’s eyes, so he ran away and began to drift away.

After Matsuko became a bathhouse girl (sex worker), she had the opportunity to return to the right path and chose to leave with Akira, the upright manager of the bathhouse, to lead a normal life.

But Matsuko refused. She chose to fly alone with the “old customer” Ono Temple to live a life of “selling meat” and counting money. Unexpectedly, Ono Temple only used pine nuts as a means of making money. Matsuko also became addicted to drugs because of him.

I can’t help thinking that if Matsuko didn’t have a hot head to make a wrong decision, her life would also be enviable!

But where did Songzi know that this is the key to life? Everything is just determined by heart.

02 Adventure life with hard work

Even though Matsuko chose the darker one at every intersection of life, she always had the courage to start again.

As a bathing girl, Songzi thought that she must be the first. She will control her weight and exercise her belly and back muscles 30 times each night. When working, she didn’t have time to feel ashamed. All she thought about was how to better serve customers. Soon after, she earned the money to buy a building.

Songzi, who was in prison, was thinking about how to make no mistakes and get a hairdresser’s license. You know, there are more than 400 prisoners in the prison, and only two or three people can get licenses at most in a year.

At first, I thought that only when pine nut became a marginal figure in society and lived like an ant would it be rejected. It is only now known that “being rejected” is the random evaluation of the public who do not know the truth when watching social news.

Her life, more accurately described as: adventure

Even though I knew the ending on the first page, I was still curious about her adventure life.

You thought she was going to collapse, but she didn’t take it seriously;

You thought she was going on the right track, but she fell down and fell;

You think she gave up completely, but she kindled hope and rallied;

You think the next adventure begins, but her story ends abruptly.

03 What she seeks is self-rescue

Many people mourn their misfortunes and are furious with pine nuts. Obviously, they are born with a good card, but it is spent on men.

Songzi’s first man forced her to sell her body to earn money;

The second man cheated and played with pine nuts;

The third man brought her eight years in prison;

The fourth man gave her hope without ending;

The fifth man escaped irresponsibly after domestic violence

Pine nuts have been abandoned time and time again, but they are obsessed. She said, “It doesn’t matter if you go to hell, as long as you can stay with him.” To some extent, pine nuts are like Demeter, the goddess of the earth and harvest in Greek mythology. Demeter’s daughter was taken away by the Pluto King, and her life became hopeless. The earth also entered winter. When her daughter came back to her, she regained her vitality and revived everything.

Demeter pinned the meaning of life on his daughter, and pine nuts pinned the hope of life on men.

Matsuko’s standard grimace to please his father in the film

It seems that pine nuts are pursuing love. In fact, every time they get it, they will lose it immediately, and then pine nuts will fall into a deeper mire. Why should the author let pine nuts beg?

Because the author, Zongshu Yamada, created pine nuts from the perspective of God.

The Bible believes that human beings are born with sin, which originates from Adam and Eve, and is called “original sin”, and is passed on to the world through reproduction. Therefore, millions of people in the world have been searching for redemption all their lives.

Matsuko loved but could not. In fact, she wanted to complete her own salvation in the ordeal. She should learn to forgive and love herself.

At the end of the story, Matsuko abandoned himself and became a dirty and ugly person. Seeing this, I was relieved.

Because in the process from “obsession” to “self-awakening”, there is a key point of “self-reflection”. Only when you have time to reflect, or even hate yourself, and scold “what kind of life is this!” will forgiveness and change come.

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What is the right life choice? What kind of redemption is to be completed?

This problem is too complex, and we are too small to understand without going through it.

The ending of Matsuko seems very sad, but from another perspective, she realized her self-rescue at the last moment, and finally reached the destination of the journey.

I remembered that in “A Dream of Red Mansions”, the police fairy wanted to remind Baoyu of her fate, which was both a judgment and a song. But Baoyu still didn’t understand. He still fell into the maze of life and was eventually criticized as “the world’s most incompetent, incomparable in ancient and modern times”.

It is good or bad to go through it again, and find the true meaning in the process of searching up and down.

Then, even if it is a life that has been rejected, you should live to your heart’s content.

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